We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
sarcasm needs its own font
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
