was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
