It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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