I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Randomize
