the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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