I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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