He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
