i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
