i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
