So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
