I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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