i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
