he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
