Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
