dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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