I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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