I'm eating all of the evidence.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Oh god it's open bar.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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