I'm gonna have a badass scar
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
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