Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
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