I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Randomize
