my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
