He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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