Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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