Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
