Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
