It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
