i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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