he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
