I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
