you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
