ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
