Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
