Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
