I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
