so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize