Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
