and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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