Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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