mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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