is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
