Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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