Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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