My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
