I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
