I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
