The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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