So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
