I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
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