He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
