Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I think your dad took our porno
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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