Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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