walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
you would pick up someone in the library
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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