Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize