Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
