I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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