the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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