I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Randomize
