Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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