i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
