drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize