Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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