At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
