I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
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