i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
