my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
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