the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
