my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
