Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
You pole danced in your parka.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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