Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
