So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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