Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
