he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
