I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
