My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
