DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
