the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
