He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
